look no pants
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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