I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
