Barsexuality is the new black.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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