I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
