yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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