What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
