i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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