I could make wine with my vomit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
