I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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