Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
