I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
