Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
