every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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