Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
