does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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