wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
