I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Alive.
So much puke
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
