It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
