Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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