and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
