haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
