I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
