he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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