youre lurking in front of me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
