I love having hate sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
