So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
