Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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