that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
