I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
