Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
