I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
