Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
