My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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