Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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