is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
