I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
