Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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