I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
