i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
