why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
third nipple confirmed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
