totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
