i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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