It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
