FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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