He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
