You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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