You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize