just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
