I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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