She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
