I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
