he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
