Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
