that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im part way to drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
