i think my tv is drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
