in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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