Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize