Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
