Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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