When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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