you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
