why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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