Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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