I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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