i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
